An open letter to President Obama: False Promises

Mr. President:

I have followed your career since your rise as the junior Senator from Illinois, and I was pleased and excited about what you could offer this nation if we chose you to succeed to the highest office in the land. I told friends and family and everyone who would listen that under your leadership, we would finally emerge from the shadow of war and begin to make progress toward a solid position in the 21st century world. To those who claimed that you were too ambitious and too inexperienced, I shook my head and maintained that your youth and vigor, your plans and your hope, would more than make up for whatever deficiencies you possessed.

No matter when you gave a speech, I would watch and listen and read, and revel. You are blessed with the eloquence of centuries past, a brilliant grasp of the intricacies of language and an intuitive ability to shape words into the message people need to hear the most. I can only aspire to such oratorical heights.

But more and more, I am disillusioned with the promise for which I voted. I stood behind your quest for health care reform, and I still believe in it -- if only I saw the benefits personally. Your foreign policy has been largely parallel to my own beliefs, though I remind you that we are still entrenched in two theatres of conflict. Now, with the environmental crisis spurred by BP's oil spill you have demonstrated a timidity that is not becoming of the "leader of the free world". If I was offered the opportunity to go back to 2008 and cast my ballot over, I must honestly tell you that I would have backed Secretary Clinton in the primary and, had you yet prevailed, I would have voted for a third-party candidate or not at all.

Let me call your attention to statements you made in your inaugural address, such a short time ago in months but so far removed in circumstance:

"[E]ach day brings further evidence that the ways we use energy strengthen our adversaries and threaten our planet." This is a wonderfully apt statement, but how has your lack of approach to solving the oil spill done anything to change that approach? By letting the oil continue to spread and deferring to the self-interested BP to fix the problem, you have become part of the threat to our planet.

"On this day, we come to proclaim an end to the petty grievances and false promises, the recriminations and worn out dogmas, that for far too long have strangled our politics." You took an oath to defend this country and its Constitution. How are you defending the people affected by the oil spill or, to look at another topic, the closeted LGBTQ community in uniform who actually do defend the freedoms that they themselves do not yet enjoy?

"In reaffirming the greatness of our nation, we understand that greatness is never a given. It must be earned." Have you forgotten this?

"But our time of standing pat, of protecting narrow interests and putting off unpleasant decisions - that time has surely passed." Bold words; I'm sure BP and Wall Street executives are shaking in their overpriced shoes.

"The question we ask today is not whether our government is too big or too small, but whether it works - whether it helps families find jobs at a decent wage, care they can afford, a retirement that is dignified." I'm sure I speak for more than myself when I say it isn't working - jobs at a decent wage are no easier to come by for the average person than they were before; care is still out of reach for millions of college students and graduates whose parents also cannot afford it, so there is no umbrella to which they can return; and retirement is increasingly becoming a pipe dream that those of my generation will never be able to achieve.

"What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world..."


Mr. President, we are failing.

There are still families with not enough to eat, who live every day under the cloud of uncertainty whether this meal might be the last they can afford, or whether the coming day will see them finally unable to keep the threads of their life from irreparably fraying. You don't want to stand up to BP and their disinterest in doing the right thing, but by continuing to defer to them you are telling every man, woman and child whose life and livelihood has already been destroyed that your words are as empty as your critics claim.

You are shirking your duty to yourself (to live up to your promises), to your nation (to protect and defend our interests), and the world (to be a leader by example). When we the people fail to live up to our employers' expectations, we lose our jobs. Sadly, the hope I had for you keeping yours beyond 2012 is feeble and far less than half-hearted.

I don't know if you have time to salvage your reelection hopes, but those aren't important right now. What is crucial is that you take true command of this nation and that you stand up for those you represent - you may still save your legacy. If you can finally demonstrate the leadership we need, you will once again be on the right side of history. If not, history will teach a very different lesson from the one you set out to establish -- a tragic precedent from which we will be hard-pressed to recover.

Make the right decision, and the people will stand with you.

With hope, however diminished,

Shannon

Say goodbye

I wasn't going to write about this, but it could prove to be an important lesson somewhere down the line.

One of my favorite families is leaving the area soon to continue their life adventure in Mexico/Columbus/D.C., depending on the family member. I'll miss them all and look forward to our next meeting. At any rate, this departure occasioned a goodbye party Friday night -- an event that of course I wouldn't dream of missing. Brian threw on a button-down and joined me, since he knows Sam and was pretty sure to know a couple of other attendees.

Oh, we certainly knew one.

Our closest friends know about the disintegrated relationship between each of us and a former friend, the point of which having been driven home at another friend's house party a couple of months ago. There is a veritable litany of abuse that spans five years. Most cases involve an oft-inebriated "him" taking offense at a perceived slight, then verbally abusing us to anybody who would listen and temporarily abandoning the friendship, only to return after a period as short as two days or as long as three months. Apologies were rare; it was understood that his reemergence was born of remorse (or, at least, loneliness). What I failed to recognize sooner is that those reemergences also occurred when his life was in a downswing.

There was other, more serious abuse going on here, though: he betrayed Brian by sleeping with his then live-in girlfriend for an uncertain period of time before they finally went their separate ways in August 2008. That fall, she decided to juggle the two of them but not to inform Brian of the arrangement; when I advised my then-friend to do the responsible thing and break it to Brian vis a vis, his response: "It's not my responsibility." For someone who claimed to want to repair that broken friendship on so many occasions, this sort of betrayal is unconscionable.

Fast forward to Friday. We arrive, see that he is at the party, and do the prudent thing: ignore him completely. I dislike drama, and refuse to be a part of it in public settings. It was simple to focus our attentions on other mutual acquaintances, as well as some friends of mine to whom I was happy to introduce Brian. Meanwhile, the ex-bff spent his time sending dirty looks in our direction when he wasn't tooling around on his phone. Some time later, Brian received a text message from a number that he didn't recognize. It read: "Can we talk?"

The message I received was somewhat more comprehensive: "You know I suck at apologies but I'm sorry and I miss you."

My initial reaction was a sigh and shake of my head -- right on schedule. Right on the heels of that, however, was indignation. Did I really just receive a text message from someone standing maybe twenty feet away from me and using their line of sight to mean mug me after our last decidedly unpleasant encounter? A text message, from the person who six weeks ago called me a "cunt" and told me to lose his number because he was drunk and I wouldn't flip a breaker? Riiiight.

At that moment I reaffirmed my decision to keep such a negative relationship out of my life. I don't have the energy or desire to continue in this macabre cycle, especially with someone who so offended the man I love and who treats his every relationship as expendable. I deleted the message; it's better than he deserves.

As we were getting ready to leave, we ran into the other half of this horrible duo: the cheating ex-girlfriend herself. Brian, being infinitely nicer than I am, executed a half-hearted wave to break the tension. For my part, I ignored her completely despite walking within inches of her. This is also better than she deserves; however, I am not at all an impartial judge of her character and any further discussion of her would be colored by the intense hatred I allow myself to harbor for her and one other person in this world.

And now, I will let this go and consign thoughts of them to the dumpster - where they belong. Now, I say goodbye.

Ride on the Magic School Bus...

Growing up, I have to admit: my favorite teacher was Miss Frizzle from The Magic School Bus. (Sorry, Mrs. Owens.) I mean, come on -- I will gnaw off my left arm if anybody I know ever got to take the sort of awesome field trips that those kids had. Watching those shows inspired me, and was probably the motivation for my earliest desire to become a teacher.

It's the vocation to which I find myself returning over and over, despite my own conviction that I just don't have the patience. That's the thing, though - I do. There's nothing I love more than sharing my knowledge and watching realization dawn on my students' faces. After much consideration, therefore, I've decided that I'm going to pursue my teaching license with my M.A. Instead of going full-time this fall, I will take a few core education classes, re-take the GRE, and turn in the best damn applications I can to the teaching programs nearby.

Teaching gives me the chance to do so many of the things I love. By teaching social studies, I can satisfy my craving for both politics and history; I can start my own Model U.N. team or help with an established one. I'll be doing public relations every day and, let's face it, I'll have my summers off. There are drawbacks, and I'm sure there will be moments when I wish I had gone for something more exciting...oh wait. Who am I kidding? Certainly there's little more thrilling than dealing with hundreds of hormonal teenagers five days a week.

This may not be the path to the rest of my life, but it feels like the path for me now. I'm more at peace with this than with anything that's crossed my mind so far. I have a plan...and it feels great.

True Life: I'm crying out for attention!

We have been having a discussion about MTV's True Life at the office over the past couple of days, and I was (un)fortunate enough to catch a 2-3 minute clip from last night's episode: "I Hate My Plastic Surgery". Never mind the larger question of when MTV decided that playing, I don't know, music wasn't good enough for their ratings. My purpose today is to help MTV with episodes of True Life for which I would actually tune in:

True Life: I'm a train wreck. In this episode, cameras will follow girls in their late teens whose drunken antics, compulsive need to sleep with any guy who talks to them for more than two seconds, and inability to dress appropriately for their age and body type is setting them up for a lifetime of ridicule that may or may not be cut short by the appearance of an STI (not the car).


True Life: I am a terrible neighbor. This episode will put the spotlight on people who launch a vendetta against their new neighbors within a week of moving in. From the lazy welfare mom who sits around all day to the kids who run screaming back and forth, to the fake noise complaints made just to get your neighbors in trouble, these neighbors will make you want to move to the boondocks.


True Life: I like myself the way I am. No season of True Life should be without an uplifting episode. The girls and guys in this world who don't feel the need to cry out for attention by being a whore, getting drunk all the time or investing in useless plastic surgery should be showcased as an example to everybody that it is possible to live without constantly seeking validation from others. Perhaps putting them on a show like this is an oxymoron, but hell -- the whole series is pretty moronic anyway.


Your turn -- what True Life story would you want to watch?

Hate is a strong word, but I really really really don't like you...

This morning, the Huffington Post posted this study about the benefits of hating your ex-significant other, from an article in the Chronicle on Higher Education. My immediate reaction was a mix -- "well, duh" battled with "wait a second, isn't that bitterness?"

Ultimately, though, I can see the benefit of this line of thinking. It's really quite simple: if you are going through a break-up, the last thing you want to focus on is your former SO's killer sense of humor, or the fact that he would bring you care packages whenever you get sick. If you are the dumper, spotlighting the best qualities of somebody you've removed from your life is a recipe for dumper's remorse and could ultimately lead to poor rebound judgment. If you are the dumpee, on the other hand, those qualities will inevitably lead to sleepless nights in which you convince yourself that obviously you are unlovable or otherwise not good enough because if this prime example of humanity couldn't stand you, who could?

Reminding yourself of your ex's negative attributes, however, is an important first step to re-establishing or reconnecting with your individual identity. If he thought punctuality is a contagious disease, think of all the times that you had to shuffle plans around and/or cancel them because you were minus one. If every discussion turned into an argument because he trashed every opinion of yours that differed, remind yourself that you are worthy of respect and be glad that someone so unsupportive is now in your past. And of course, if he was bad in bed... ;)

This is where we hit the line between necessary negativity and harmful bitterness. Calling out the poorer side of your ex should serve the greater purpose of allowing you to reaffirm who you are and what you will (and won't) accept in future relationships. It is by and large a cleansing exercise -- purposeful and temporary. Don't cross the line by blowing up his phone with messages outlining every last flaw in his character. Don't trash him to mutual friends and ask them to pick sides. Behavior like this will broadcast itself to your social circle and give you an unapproachable vibe that will make it difficult to connect with anybody who senses it.

Finally, don't let the negativity suck you under -- there is no set time frame for this sort of recovery, but if you notice that the negativity is seeping into other parts of your life, it's time to stop. How? Every time a negative thought of him crosses your mind, consciously disregard it and replace it with a positive thought about yourself and your circumstances. I-statements, people! Cut out "he's such a dog for cheating on me" and think "I respect myself and expect the same of others."


Negativity is a necessary part of life -- it restores balance, and can remind you of things you've forgotten in a haze of bliss. Just like too much pleasure, however, too much negativity can be more harm than help. Remember that, Negative Nancy, and you'll be just fine.


*Read "he" as whatever gender you like.

Get this party started

This weekend was one of the best weekends I've had in quite a while. Considering that it began on Thursday night and was full of adventure, that isn't surprising. Brian's birthday was Friday, so we started the celebration with a trip to Bar Room for college ID night. That was actually a bad idea from my perspective, because college ID night anywhere is little more than a sex-soaked cesspool of skanks and this was no exception. Fortunately, DJ EV made up for it with some great music and a midnight shout-out to Brian thanks to the wonders of Twitter (@DJEV).

After the bar we headed to Steak 'n' Shake for a 3 am snack. Of course, it was the night that they had a kitchen staffer walk out and the single server was trying to move around to four different large tables while making shakes and helping out. Poor guy. It worked out in our favor, though, because the manager comped our entire meal for being chill about the 30-minute wait. Lesson learned: always be nice to your wait staff.

Friday, we went to see Iron Man 2 (not bad, but I wouldn't pay full price for it except to lust after Robert Downey Jr.), then we met Brian's parents at Quaker Steak for birthday wings and cake. (By the by -- wherever that cake came from, it was delicious.) Of course, no birthday is complete without a party, so after dinner we went back to Brian's to start an epic night of beer pong and outrageousness. Two of Mentor on the Lake's most bored finest showed up sometime between 11 and midnight because the new neighbors suffer from a terrible case of double standards, among other things; fortunately, they were understanding and let the guys off with a warning. Such was not the case with one of the party-goers later, but that's not my story to tell.

The highest point of my weekend was going to OWU for commencement. I started OWU with the class of 2010, so watching them graduate was a moment of pride and also momentary sadness, because it marked the true end of an era for me. Still, it was also a great time to reconnect with my sisters and other friends from campus, and I can't overstate the importance for me of going home to Delta Zeta every once in awhile.

It was really an eye-opening weekend for Brian and me in terms of our relationship and where we are going. I think we each have a better understanding of ourselves and each other now, and we can look ahead to our life together with excitement and, for me, gratitude for being with somebody so perfectly suited to me. My heart fluttered when we talked about little things like giving our children easy to pronounce names so they don't get butchered at commencement, or what kind of house we're going to have one day. The best moment was when we had lunch at Taco Bell; Brian grabbed a packet of hot sauce for me without looking at it on his way to the table, and when he tossed it down it read "Will you marry me?" It was a priceless moment, and now at least I know he can't use that for an actual proposal. :)

I also realized something that I shared with Brian on the drive home. Though we may not see eye to eye on everything, and we may each feel possessive of him in our own way, Brian's friends and I are tied together with the blessing of having him in our lives. I'm so happy to see the strength of his friendships now, and to know that he has others in his life who love him as completely and unconditionally as I do. And I love his friends for that too; after all, if they are deserving of his love, they are more than deserving of mine too.

This weekend was amazing, for so many reasons. Now, I want to keep the energy going -- I can't wait to jump into what happens next.

Put a smile on your face...

I have an amazing friend who is always there for me. No, seriously. You name it, and she is on the phone or on my Facebook with spot-on advice and the kind of sympathy that jump-starts a solution without indulging in the mood.

Today's advice may be the best yet.

Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat, Pray, Love and a contributor to O, thinks we need to lighten up. Instead of being proud of our accomplishments and optimistic about the opportunities we have, women as a gender tend to consistently focus on those parts of our lives that aren't "as good" as the rest -- the career we passed up to start a family, the family we sometimes neglect to get ahead -- in short, we ignore the best parts of ourselves.

This article couldn't come at a better time. For the last several days I've been reevaluating my perspective on life and love and everything around me. I've been frustrated because I'm not where I want to be professionally, and the certainty I carried with me through college and the first summer after graduation is gone. Since I was a kid I wanted to do everything and be everything, and it hit me that I have to make a choice. So, there are a lot of ways I could lighten up and be happier:

Stop focusing on life after "I do." I'm fortunate to have an amazing relationship with a man I have loved since the day we met. We've already begun discussing the near-ish future, getting married and starting a family, and I'm completely excited for that day to come. I've been so caught up in picturing and planning and dreaming of that time, though, that it has started to spill over into every part of our relationship. The fact is, neither of us is ready to walk down the aisle yet. There is so much we still have to learn about each other and the people we've become since the first time around, and to learn about ourselves, and rushing into a lifelong commitment could destroy us rather than make us stronger. 


Put the calendar aside. I am a freak for scheduling and time management. I sync my Google calendar with my Blackberry, which is linked to Facebook. I have physical calendars at work and at home, and I carry a pocket planner in my bag. I time things to the minute and react poorly when others don't fall in line. I'm not the person you call for last-minute dinner plans, needless to say. Unfortunately, more than once I've had plans fall through and, because I cling to my calendar like a security blanket, I've ended up sitting at home with my knitting or watching Family Guy reruns for the twenty thousandth time.


My promise to myself, then, is to let go of my planner a little. I'll still use it for big things, like family vacation in July or Sarah's awesome parties, but for the day to day I'll just take things as they come. Well...I'll try.


Remember that I'm still young. I'm 23 years old, but some mornings I wake up with the fears of someone two decades older. Why am I letting my college degree collect dust on a shelf? When will I find a job to jump-start my career, and am I totally screwed because I live in the wrong area? Should I have studied politics? 


There is a huge world out there, with so much to experience that one person could never take it all in. I am fortunate to be where I am and to be who I am, with so many years ahead of me to fill with small moments and large adventures. Life isn't over at 25, 30, even 50 -- just because I'm where I am now doesn't mean it's where I'm destined to stay. Unless I want to, of course.


Take pleasure in small moments. Not everything has to be a huge production. Date night doesn't have to be a formula of x activity for y duration equals a pleasant time, dinner doesn't have to be a four-course meal, and taking five minutes in the sunlight is better than spending all day indoors because you can't have an hour. I'm a big-picture person who is tired of letting the small stuff slip through the cracks.


How will lightening up make your life better?