There's no turning back for us tonight...

Well...last night was interesting.

Brian and I have been getting together more frequently, so when he asked me the other day if I wanted to get together for coffee I jumped to make time in my schedule. He's been having a rough go of things and I like being able to see him and talk in a way that we were never able to do before. We were so young, so immature, and we just weren't adult enough for the relationship we were trying to have. I still have feelings for him, and I'm glad that I've been there to see the person he's become and that I can love that person as well.

Apparently I'm not the only one who was looking back and thinking, because he told me that he still has feelings for me too. I mean...I knew this, I read him better than anybody, but I suppose even I didn't realize exactly what he was getting at. He drove to the store so we could pick up the oil for my car (he's doing my oil change this afternoon, bless him) and, going with instinct...I kissed him. I had to know if what I was feeling was some extension of sympathy for him or just memories of what we had, or if there was still something there.

Well, friends...there was certainly something.

And now, this leaves us at an impasse. We can't go back and pretend that it didn't happen, and I don't want to. Nor will we just jump back in where we left off and try to make this work. It's been 3 1/2 years since we broke up, and we're both different people. Like I told him last night, we just have to be smart about this, and not fuck it up. So...we need to learn each other again. And not jump to conclusions.

Oh boy, our families are going to be pissed. But there's no turning back.